Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
