he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
