The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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