Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
