I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
