I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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