And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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