Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
