omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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