: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
