He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
