Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
