thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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