My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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