I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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