It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
