..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
