Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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