My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Drunk is a universal language darling
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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