she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
