I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
