Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he fucked my hip out of place.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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