I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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