I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Randomize
