Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
