he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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