living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
