i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
