If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
