yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
