just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just invented taco cereal.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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