I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
