Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
