Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
