Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
