Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
soo... how was my night?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
