You're so nebulous sometimes
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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