'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
