you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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