and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
