i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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