even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
