Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
