her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
