I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
