bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
