why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
