Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
