Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
