I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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