I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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