areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
