If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
